“Life is constantly changing”
by mysticamethyst87
Summary: Life is constantly changing. That's what everyone says. Does Sara agree? No. But does her point of view change? All Seasons so far, tweaked in a slightly CSR way. Better than it sounds. CSR


Title:-"Life is constantly changing"

Summary: - Sara POV. A summary of all the happenings in Series 1-5, only Ecklie didn't screw around the order during that big argument, and she doesn't confide in Grissom.

Pairing:-Sara/Catherine

Disclaimer-I DO NOT them, I will never own them, and if I did, Sara wouldn't be pining after Gruesome (Grissom).

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"**Life is constantly changing"**

"Life is constantly changing"

That's what everyone said. The guys, Catherine…Grissom, they all say it. They're right, you can see it everyday. Like when Greg finally became a CSI 1 instead of just a lab rat or Nicky finally got Grissom's appreciation as a CSI 3. Grissom's hearing going, making it more difficult for him to solve cases. How Warrick and I built a working relationship eventually, even though I came to investigate him, nearly getting him fired. My plunge into drink and depression.

Yet, to begin with I thought they were wrong. Not that I would ever tell them that of course. My life always stayed more or less routine. Stay in the labs as long as possible, sleep and eat enough to keep alive. That was all I demanded of myself, and all I ever had since I graduated from Harvard. Oh, and of course, that one other occupation I had.

'_When the spirit takes you'_

I wanted to tell her. Her spirit had taken me ever since I first saw her. Catherine Willows. She told me she was out in the field. Well, I knew straight away that she didn't like me, and, from the way my heart jumped into my throat, I could tell that I liked her all too much.

Definitely not the sort of situation you want to find yourself in. Especially not with a _female_ co-worker who had a daughter! Married, and then went out with that district Engineer, Paul…Newman?…New-something…Newsome, that's it…definitely straight. So what did I do? I concentrated on someone else. Someone who was inept when it came to emotion, so I was in no danger of having my 'crush' reciprocated. I would chase after him, but, covertly, I would watch her.

I watched the way she always tucked a piece of her reddish gold hair behind her left ear when it fell forward, her laugh, her exuberance over life. I watched her with Warrick, and envied how close they were, wondering if there was something more there.

In the corridors, I would smile at her, when I saw her. She was always too busy to see me, though, always talking to one of the guys, or lab techs, or even Grissom. Yet, she never came near me, unless it was for a case. Even then, talk was kept to a minimum.

Then…Eddie died. She questioned not only me, but my skills as a CSI as well. That _hurt_. Still, looking at her as she tore into me, the only thing I wanted was to soothe her, stroking the hair which shone so in the sun, before kissing her gently. I wanted to comfort her.

After I found out about Hank, we went out for a drink. When she asked me, I couldn't refuse, though I was careful not to get too drunk around her, because otherwise there was no way I couldn't tell her the whole truth…that I never wanted that two timing jerk anyhow. The only person I wanted was sitting right across from me, watching me with concerned blue eyes, though they also seemed to say that I should have known.

For some reason however, the antagonism only increased after that. She still hadn't fully forgiven me for my inability to solve Eddie's case. Soon after, I started to drink more heavily, frequenting bars more often. When closing time came, Jack or Jose were always waiting at my apartment. It wasn't just Catherine; it was a way to numb out _that _night, the vision of a blade entering my father's chest... and the sobs and screams of my mother, who was holding the knife.

After my DUI, though, it was no longer possible to hide my problem. So desperate was I for any type of affection that I asked _Grissom_ out. He said no, of course. I was put on two weeks leave, otherwise I would be suspended.

For those two weeks, I was off the drink. At least I wasn't addicted. Sure, there were cold sweats, but I was strong enough to beat them. Nope…I didn't have a problem. No Sirree!

Two weeks later, I was back at the lab…back to seeing Catherine. More comments from her hit me in the chest, like blocks of ice, and that night, I crawled back to my apartment, to a nice bottle that had my name on it.

Then, one day, we had our biggest argument yet. It had been a long day, and I wanted to go home and have a stiff drink. I made unjustifiable comments about her _using_ her sexuality, and before I knew it, she'd slapped me hard across the cheek, before staring at her hand in shock. Shaking my head a few times to clear it, I ran off, not looking at any of the others.

While I was in a corner of my lab, she found me. I was easy to find, although I'd wanted to hide. Everyone knew it was my lab, but I needed a safe place, and that was it. No one cared enough to look anyhow. Except Catherine. She didn't yell, or curse, or blame me, she just took me in her arms and let me cry while I incoherently apologised.

After that day, we grew closer, though, for some reason, I kept drinking. She didn't know much about it, thought it was occasional.

After that idiot Chris, dumped her, she came to me to cry. Like I wanted do when Eddie died, I held her close…but she pulled away at the strong smell of alcohol that covered me.

That night, I watched the alcohol from the bottles in my apartment hurtle down the sink, vowing once and for all, to give her no reason to pull away from me again. It wasn't that easy of course. Yet that night, I took the first step…I admitted that I had a problem.

She approached me two days later, somehow, she'd found out about my DUI. Gossip travels fast, I should have known. Especially since she was bound to be curious after the last time I saw her.

Hanging my head, I awaited the comments that were sure to come now, as they had before. Instead, she asked me one simple question. _Why?_

I told her about everything except my crush, about my dad, my mom killing my dad, the abuse beforehand. About foster care and how awful it was. About being bullied in high school. She held me through all of it. At the end? At the end she apologised for making the problems I faced worse when she got here with her attitude.

When I asked her why, she paused, and turned away. Then, suddenly, as if she had summoned up all her courage, she turned towards me, and, just as I thought she would tell me what I had done, two soft lips pressed against mine.

At first, the kiss was gentle, but gradually became more passionate, as I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth, and nibbled on it gently, making her gasp, and using the opportunity to push my tongue into her mouth. Her tongue curled around mine, and I was in heaven. Finally, she pulled away.

"That…was why." She whispered softly

Looking into her sky blue eyes, I saw what I had wanted to for four years, love. And smiling, I kissed her again.

Two months later, I think back to what the guys all still say, what they have always said, and smile.

"Life is constantly changing"

Now I still think they are wrong, but at the same time, they are right. Why? Well, because when I pass her in the halls, I still smile at Catherine, just as I have for four years. The difference? Catherine now sees…and she smiles back at me.

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A/N-Its a diversion from my series of ficlets, because I had writer's block when I wrote this. Please Review? 


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